ADVENTURES OF A BRITISH MIDWIFE IN LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Jo Watts is a British midwife currently volunteering for a Charity Organization(Wish For Africa) in Lagos Nigeria.
You can follow her blog at http://jowatts.blogspot.com

It just might inspire you to visit Lagos if you have never done so.

Enjoy the blog!

LAID BACK.

The first phrase that I found to be very popular when I came to Accra was "laid back".
Everything(almost) appeared to be run in a calm demeanor. The people were easy going and everything was under control.
As the days wore on, I observed that some individuals have bought into the "laid back" mentality in their approach towards life. There is no drive, no passion. Theirs' is a life of " taking it easy" even when the situation demands otherwise. On the other hand, I've come across some pretty sharp, focused and ambitious people with a lot of passion and drive.
Thinking this through, I came to the conclusion that it is so easy to fall into the "laid back" trap, and wait on things to happen, rather than making them happen!
The calm environment does certainly have its positives. One can relax, think, plan and create.
But then one has to get up and bring the fruits of the process into life.
Life in Accra may be "laid back". Are you?

FROM BANKU WITH LOVE.

I had kept my distance from Banku initially. It never appealed to me in any way. However after tasting it a few weeks ago for the first time, I was swept off my feet. Banku has now won my heart, and Waakye, my first love, has been relegated to the background.

Banku is best eaten without the aid of any cutlery. Something is lost in the process when u use a spoon or fork. The 'connect' is absent. A well-washed hand will do the trick.
Okro soup is the best company for a meal of banku. It just makes everything perfect!

I am not much of a food fan, but Banku has made an impact on me.
I can't help but testify!

CRISIS: A NEW PERSPECTIVE.

Intro: The buzz word from one end of the globe to another these days is "Crises". The following quote takes a look at it from another perspective...

The Chinese language uses characters, or pictures, rather than words or letters to express ideas. The Chinese word for crisis is a combination of two characters - one meaning "danger" and the other meaning "opportunity". There definitely is danger in moments of crisis, but there is opportunity too. Crisis is not just about tragedy. Notice that part of the definition of crisis has to do with the outcome. And the outcome often depends on how we respond - the choice we make.

-LISA RYAN.

THE MAGIC OF DIALOGUE.

When I think of magic, the first images that come to my mind are magicians with playing cards, hats, rabbits and sawing pretty girls in half. When I think a little longer images of more subtle and/or amazing feats of, well, magic come to mind.

Magic is a skill that can be mastered. It`s also something that can be explained. Yet, for me, magic - whether sleight of hand or elaborate process - has an aura about it; it`s something that has real power.

When I think of dialogue, I think of the same things.

Dialogue is real (not a sleight of hand type thing) and extraordinarily powerful. And even though relatively few are masterful at dialogue, it`s a skill - like magic - that can be learned.

I realize the magic metaphor isn`t perfect, there are no "tricks" to dialogue, but the potential power is real, and when it`s achieved in any group, magic definitely occurs.

As a leader your role requires that you become a skilled communicator. When most people think about communication skills they typically include presenting in meetings or groups, providing feedback, discussing topics of importance, listening intently and even emailing skills.

Yet this short list of important communication skills leaves out an important one - dialogue.

Dialogue comes from the Greek "dia", meaning through, and "logos", meaning words or meaning. Dialogue, then could be translated as a flow of meaning. William Issacs, in his excellent book Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together , takes this one step further:

"In the most ancient meaning of the word, logos meant `to gather together,` and suggested an intimate awareness of the relationships among things in the natural world. In that sense, logos might best be rendered in English as ‘relationship.`"

Dialogue then is more than just "really good conversation" or even what happens when I "really focus on listening." Rather, dialogue is a meeting of minds in the spirit of relationship and the creation of synergy. It`s the open exchange of ideas in the context of relationship.

When you begin to think about dialogue in this way, you get a glimpse of the power that can be gained. While there are tools you can use to create this situation, like the magician`s secrets, you must start from this understanding that dialogue is the opportunity to think together.

To help create this magic, think of the times when "thinking together" would be exceptionally important for anyone, but especially leaders:

1. When developing trust
2. When creating understanding related to a change
3. When exploring problems and solutions
4. When coming to complex decisions

And that`s a very short list.

In the context of thinking about a communication that truly allows for "thinking together" (rather than trying to sell, advocate for or influence to a particular point of view or solution) you hopefully can see that the opportunities for dialogue are many.

That also means challenges and obstacles exist as well.

It would take another complete article to even begin to describe those barriers and how to overcome them to create dialogue more reliably. For this article, suffice it to say that as a leader you must be willing to go first.

Hopefully the glimpse of the magic encourages you to get on a learning journey to make that "first step" choice.

Potential Pointer: Communication is one of the most important priorities for leaders. If you want to build your communication skills, recognize the value of and learn how to create dialogue.

-EIKENBERRY.

NEGOTIATING 101.

Breaking Through Barriers to Cooperation.


Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.–Daniele Vare, Italian diplomat


We all negotiate every day. Much of our time is spent trying to reach agreement with others. We may try to negotiate in a cooperative spirit but frequently we find ourselves frustrated. We want to get to yes, but often the answer we get back is NO.

Think of a typical day: Over breakfast you may get into an argument with your spouse about buying a new car. You think it's time, but your spouse says, "Don't be ridiculous! You know we can't afford it right now." You arrive at work for a morning meeting with your boss. You present a carefully prepared proposal for a new project, but your boss interrupts you after a minute and says: "We already tried that and it didn't work. Next item."

During your lunch hour you try to return a defective toaster-oven, but the salesperson refuses to refund your money because you don't have the sales slip: "It's store policy."

In the afternoon you bring an already-agreed-upon contract to a client for his signature. You have trumpeted the deal to your associates and made the necessary arrangements with manufacturing. But your client tells you: "I'm sorry. My boss refuses to okay the purchase unless you give us a fifteen percent discount."

In the evening you need to return some phone calls, but the line is tied up by your thirteen-year-old. Exasperated, you say, "Get off the phone." The teenager shouts down the hall, "Why don't you get me my own phone line? All my friends have them!"

Each of us faces tough negotiations with an irritable spouse, a domineering boss, a rigid salesperson, a tricky customer, or an impossible teenager. Under stress, even nice, reasonable people can turn into angry, intractable opponents. Negotiations can bog down or break down, consuming our time, keeping us awake at night, and giving us ulcers.

Broadly defined, negotiation is the process of back-and-forth communication aimed at reaching agreement with others when some of your interests are shared and some are opposed. Negotiation is not limited to the activity of formally sitting across a table discussing a contentious issue; it is the informal activity you engage in whenever you try to get something you want from another person.

Think for a moment about how you make important decisions in your life–the decisions that have the greatest impact on your performance at work and your satisfaction at home. How many of those decisions can you make unilaterally and how many do you have to reach with others–through negotiation? Most people I ask this question answer: "I have to negotiate almost all of them." Negotiation is the pre-eminent form of decision-making in personal and professional life.

It is also increasingly the most important means of making decisions in the public arena. Even if we aren't personally sitting at the table, our lives are affected by the outcome of negotiations. When talks between the school board and teachers' union break down and the teachers go on strike, our children end up staying home from school. When negotiations between our business and a potential purchaser fall through and the business goes bankrupt, we may lose our jobs. When discussions between our government and its adversaries come to naught, the result may be war. In sum, negotiations shape our lives.


Joint Problem-Solving

We may all be negotiators, yet many of us don't like to negotiate. We see negotiation as stressful confrontation. We see ourselves faced with an unpleasant choice. If we are "soft" in order to preserve the relationship, we end up giving up our position. If we are "hard" in order to win our position, we strain the relationship or perhaps lose it altogether.

There is an alternative: joint problem-solving. It is neither exclusively soft nor hard, but a combination of each. It is soft on the people, hard on the problem. Instead of attacking each other, you jointly attack the problem. Instead of glowering across the table, you sit next to each other facing your common problem. In short, you turn face-to-face confrontation into side-by-side problem-solving. This is the kind of negotiation Roger Fisher and I described more than a decade ago in our book Getting to Yes.

Joint problem-solving revolves around interests instead of positions. You begin by identifying each side's interests–the concerns, needs, fears, and desires that underlie and motivate your opposing positions. You then explore different options for meeting those interests. Your goal is to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement in an efficient and amicable fashion.

If you are looking for a promotion and raise, for example, and your boss says there's no money in the budget, the negotiation doesn't stop there. It becomes an exercise in joint problem-solving. Your boss inquires about your interests, which may be to pay your children's tuition and to grow in your job. You brainstorm together about how to satisfy these interests while staying within the budget. You may end up agreeing on a new set of responsibilities, a tuition loan from the company, and the promise of a raise next year to pay back the loan. Your basic interests are satisfied; so are your employer's.

Joint problem-solving can generate better results for both sides. It saves time and energy by cutting out the posturing. And it usually leads to better working relationships and to mutual benefit in the future.


Five Barriers to Cooperation

Skeptics are quick to point out that all this is easy to say, but hard to do. The principles of joint problem-solving, they say, are like marriage vows of mutual support and fidelity: They no doubt produce more satisfying relationships, but they are hard to apply in the real world of stresses and strains, temptations and tempests.

At the start, you may try to get your opponent to tackle the problem jointly, but instead you may find yourselves in a face-to-face confrontation. It is all too easy to get drawn into a ferocious emotional battle, to fall back into the familiar routine of adopting rigid positions, or to let the other side take advantage of you.

There are real-world barriers that get in the way of cooperation. The five most common ones are:

Your reaction. The first barrier lies within you. Human beings are reaction machines. When you're under stress, or when you encounter a NO, or feel you are being attacked, you naturally feel like striking back. Usually this just penetrates the action-reaction cycle that leaves both sides losers. Or, alternatively, you may react by impulsively giving in just to end the negotiation and preserve the relationship. You lose and, having demonstrated your weakness, you expose yourself to exploitation by others. The problem you thus face in negotiation is not only the other side's difficult behavior but your own reaction, which can easily perpetuate that behavior.

Their emotion. The next barrier is the other side's negative emotions. Behind their attacks may lie anger and hostility. Behind their rigid positions may lie fear and distrust. Convinced they are right and you are wrong, they may refuse to listen. Seeing the world as eat-or-be-eaten, they may feel justified in using nasty tactics.

Their position. In joint problem-solving, you face the problem and attack it together. The barrier in the way is the other side's positional behavior: their habit of digging into a position and trying to get you to give in. Often they know no other way to negotiate. They are merely using the conventional negotiating tactics they first learned in the sandbox. In their eyes, the only alternative is for them to give in–and they certainly don't want to do that.

Their dissatisfaction. Your goal may be to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement, but you may find the other side not at all interested in such an outcome. They may not see how it will benefit them. Even if you can satisfy their interests, they may fear losing face if they have to back down. And if it is your idea, they may reject it for that reason alone.

Their power. Finally, if the other side sees the negotiation as a win-lose proposition, they will be determined to beat you. They may be guided by the precept "What's mine is mine. What's yours is negotiable." If they can get what they want by power plays, why should they cooperate with you?

Getting past no requires breaking through each of these five barriers to cooperation: your reaction, their emotion, their position, their dissatisfaction, and their power. It is easy to believe that stonewalling, attacks, and tricks are just part of the other side's basic nature, and that there is little you can do to change such difficult behavior. But you can affect this behavior if you can deal successfully with its underlying motivations.


The Breakthrough Strategy

This book lays out a five-step strategy for breaking through each of these five-barriers–the strategy of breakthrough negotiation.

An analogy from sailing will help explain this strategy. In sailing, you rarely if ever get to your destination by heading straight for it. In between you and your goal are strong winds and tides, reefs and shoals, not to speak of storms and squalls. To get where you want to go, you need to tack–to zigzag your way toward your destination.

The same is true in the world of negotiation. Your desired destination is a mutually satisfactory agreement. The direct route–focusing first on interests and then developing options that satisfy those interests–seems straightforward and easy. But in the real world of strong reactions and emotions, rigid positions, powerful dissatisfactions and aggressions, you often cannot get to a mutually satisfactory agreement by the direct route. Instead, you need to navigate past no by tracking–taking an indirect route.

The essence of the breakthrough strategy is indirect action. It requires you to do the opposite of what you naturally feel like doing in difficult situations. When the other side stonewalls or attacks, you may feel like responding in kind. Confronted with hostility, you may argue. Confronted with unreasonable positions, you may reject. Confronted with intransigence, you may push. Confronted with aggression, you may escalate. But this just leaves you frustrated, playing the other side's game by their rules.

Your single greatest opportunity as a negotiator is to change the game. Instead of playing their way, let them have your way–the way of joint problem-solving. The great home-run hitter Sadahara Oh, the Japanese equivalent of Babe Ruth, once explained his batting secret. Oh said that he looked on the opposing pitcher as his partner, who with every pitch was serving up an opportunity for him to hit a home run. Breakthrough negotiators do the same: They treat their opponents as negotiating partners who are presenting an opportunity to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement.

As in the Japanese martial arts of judo, jujitsu, and aikido, you need to avoid pitting your strength directly against your opponent's. Since efforts to break down the other side's resistance usually only increase it, you try to go around their resistance. That is the way to break through.

Breakthrough negotiation is the opposite of imposing your position on the other side. Rather than pounding in a new idea from the outside, you encourage them to reach for it from within. Rather than telling them what to do, you let them figure it out. Rather than pressuring them to change their mind, you create an environment in which they can learn. Only they can break through their own resistance; your job is to help them.

Their resistance to joint problem-solving stems from the five barriers described above. Your job as a breakthrough negotiator is to clear away the barriers that lie between their NO and the YES of a mutually satisfactory agreement. For each of the five barriers, there is a corresponding step in the strategy:

Step One. Since the first barrier is your natural reaction, the first step involves suspending that reaction. To engage in joint problem-solving, you need to regain your mental balance and stay focused on achieving what you want. A useful image for getting perspective on the situation is to imagine yourself standing on a balcony looking down on your negotiation. The first step in the breakthrough strategy is to Go to the Balcony.

Step Two. The next barrier for you to overcome is the other side's negative emotions–their defensiveness, fear, suspicion, and hostility. It is all too easy to get drawn into an argument, but you need to resist this temptation. Just as you've regained your mental balance, you need to help the other side regain theirs. To create the right climate for joint problem-solving, you need to defuse their negative emotions. To do this, you need to do the opposite of what they expect. They expect you to behave like an adversary. Instead, you should take their side by listening to them, acknowledging their points and their feelings, agreeing with them, and showing them respect. If you want to sit side by side facing the problem, you will need to Step to Their Side.

Step Three. Now you want to tackle the problem together. This is hard to do, however, when the other side digs into their position and tries to get you to give in. It's natural to feel like rejecting their position, but this will only lead them to dig in further. So do the opposite. Accept whatever they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem. For example, take their position and probe behind it: "Tell me more. Help me understand why you want that." Act as if they were your partners genuinely interested in solving the problem. The third step in the breakthrough strategy is to Reframe.

Step Four. While you may now have engaged the other side in joint problem-solving, you may still be far from reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement. The other side may be dissatisfied, unconvinced of the benefits of agreement. You may feel like pushing them, but this will only make them more resistant. So do the opposite. In the words of the Chinese sage, "build a golden bridge" from their position to a mutually satisfactory solution. You need to bridge the gap between their interests and yours. You need to help them save face and make the outcome look like a victory for them. The fourth step is to Build Them a Golden Bridge.

Step Five. Despite your best efforts, the other side may still refuse to cooperate, believing they can beat you at the power game. You may be tempted at this point to escalate. Threats and coercion often backfire, however, and lead to costly and futile battles. The alternative is to use power not to escalate, but to educate. Enhance your negotiating power and use it to bring them back to the table. Show them that they cannot win by themselves but only together with you. The fifth step is to Use Power to Educate.

The sequence of the steps is important. You cannot defuse the other side's negative emotions unless you have controlled your own. It is hard to build them a golden bridge unless you have changed the game to joint problem-solving. This does not mean that once you have taken one step, you have completed it. On the contrary, you need to keep going to the balcony throughout the negotiation. As the other side's anger and frustration resurface, you need to keep stepping to their side. The process is like a symphony in which the different instruments join in sequentially and then play their parts throughout.

Breakthrough negotiation can be used with anyone–an irascible boss, a temperamental teenager, a hostile co-worker, or an impossible customer. It can be used by diplomats trying to stave off a war, lawyers trying to avoid a costly court battle, or spouses trying to keep a marriage together.

Because every person and every situation is different, you will need to marry the five breakthrough principles with your own knowledge of the particulars in order to create a strategy that works for you. There is no magic recipe that will guarantee your success in every negotiation. But with patience, persistence, and the breakthrough strategy, you can maximize your chances of getting what you want in even the most difficult negotiations.

The chapters that follow explain the five breakthrough steps and present specific techniques for carrying them out, illustrating their application with concrete examples. First, however, you will find a prologue about the key to effective negotiation: preparation.

-WILLIAM URY.

TIGER WOODS.

Who? Tiger Woods.

He’s being called the best who ever played the game. At the age of 32 he’s earning $100 million a year and has won seven consecutive tournaments.

I don’t golf, but I learn from Tiger. That’s because truth is transferable. What makes for mastery and remarkable performance is applicable in any arena. The principles don’t change, just the application of them.

I quoted Hillary Clinton recently and surprisingly I’m now quoting what Donald Trump said recently about Tiger: “He is mentally tougher than perhaps anyone else in the sport. He wants more. We see greatness; Tiger sees another level.”

In my next book, The Encore Effect: How to Give a Remarkable Performance in Anything You Do, I talk about the 2LU strategy: aiming not for the incremental next level but going bigger by aiming two levels up. It stretches you more and draws upon more resources.

I’m not surprised that Tiger sees more than simple greatness. He’s aiming levels higher than most.

Couple that with the willingness to work harder and smarter than most and the results are remarkable.

-MARK SANBORN.

IF YOU HAD A MILLION DOLLARS..

I saw a movie a few years ago that had a very funny scene. One of the characters asked the other what he would do if he had a million dollars. He replied, "Nothing....if I had a million dollars, I would just relax all day long and enjoy myself." Another guy chimed in and seriously stated, "Hey, you don't need a million dollars to do that...just look at my cousin...he is flat broke and he doesn't do a thing but sit there all day long."

I think I laughed about that for an hour and it just caused me to smile again.

Although the line in the movie was a joke, it illustrates a truth of life. Whatever it is that you wish to do - do it! Don't wait! Seriously, why put off your dreams until tomorrow or until you get all your ducks in a row. Guess what? The ducks of life sometimes have a mind of their own and tend to wander a lot. You may never get all your ducks in a row.

I have been a professional speaker since I was 20 years old. When I was 27, I was speaking with a woman and she said, "I am 59 years old and by the time I am 65 I would like to have my Master's Degree and be working as a professional speaker." I looked at her perplexed as I inquired, "Why in the world are you going to wait until you are 65 and have a degree? I am 27 years old with no degree and I am speaking tomorrow!" You could tell that my statement shattered her reality and she had no response.

This woman was waiting to pursue her dream until everything was just perfect. Until she had everything that she thought she needed to ensure maximum success when in reality the greatest thing that she could have done is simply move in the direction of what she desires.

The greatest resistor of human dreams is the "If I had a million dollars" attitude. Individuals dream that if they had a million dollars, they could pursue their vision. No they wouldn't! If you don't pursue your vision when you are broke – when you grasp a million, you will create another reason why it isn't possible. Or if you are one of the few who would actually live their dreams if you had a million dollars, what is the probability that you are going to save a million dollars?

Ever heard this train of thought?

Once I get out of high school I am going to see the world and travel...
Once I finish college I am going to see the world and travel...
Once I get married I am going to travel with my spouse…
After our kids are older we are going to see the world and travel...
When our kids get out of high school we are going to see the world and travel...
As soon as we retire we are going to see the world and travel...
Now, I am out of school, kids are gone and I am retired – if I was younger and my health was better I would see the world and travel…

Don't wait...

Many questions of life are complicated and unclear. Yet, the question of if you should pursue your dream or what until you have a million dollars is as clear as the waters of Fiji. You are not promised tomorrow. You are not promised a million dollars. Pursue your dream today and inch closer or it will remain equally as distant as the pages of your life near the final chapter.

-- RON WHITE.

GOALS!!

When I was a Boy Scout, we played a game when new Scouts joined the troop. We lined up chairs in a pattern, creating an obstacle course through which the new Scouts, blindfolded, were supposed to maneuver. The Scoutmaster gave them a few moments to study the pattern before our adventure began. But as soon as the victims were blindfolded, the rest of us quietly removed the chairs. I think life is like this game. Perhaps we spend our lives avoiding obstacles we have created for ourselves and in reality exist only in our minds. We're afraid to apply for that job, take violin lessons, learn a foreign language, call an old friend, write our Congressman - whatever it is that we would really like to do but don't because of personal obstacles. Don't avoid any chairs until you run smack into one. And if you do, at least you'll have a place to sit down.

~Pierce Vincent Eckhart.

A NORMAL DAY..

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.


~Mary Jean Iron.

Be careful of who you work for...

The single most important marketing decision most people make is also the one we spend precious little time on: where you work.

Think about this for a second. Your boss and your job determine not only what you do all day, but what you learn and who you interact with. Where you work is what you market. Work in a high stress place and you're likely to become a highly stressed person, and your interactions will display that. Work for a narcissist and you'll develop into someone who's good at shining a light on someone else, not into someone who can lead. Work for someone who plays the fads and you'll discover that instead of building a steadily improving brand, you're jumping from one thing to another, enduring layoffs in-between gold rushes. Work for a bully and be prepared to be bullied.

And yet, there are plenty of books about getting a job, but no books I know of about choosing a job. There are hundreds of sites where job seekers can go to find a new job, and virtually none where you can find reviews of bosses or companies or jobs.

Ted Zoromski really needed a job, so he took one doing human spam (outbound telemarketing). That's his first mistake. This isn't a stepping stone to something better, it doesn't teach you much, it grinds you down and it doesn't make you more marketable. When he found he was also making calls he found offensive, he quit.

Years ago, when I had ten people working for me at my book packaging company, one client accounted for about half our revenue. They were difficult, constantly threatening litigation, sending lawyers to otherwise productive meetings, questioning our ethics and more. It was clearly the culture of their organization to be at war. So I fired them. I gave them the rights and walked away, even though it meant a huge hit to our organization. Why do it? Because if we had stuck with them, it would have changed who we were, who we hired and how we marketed ourselves going forward. We would have had a lifetime of this.

How many job offers with good pay have you turned down in your lifetime? How many clients? Compare that to how many times you've been rejected. That's totally out of whack. Great marketing involves having a great product, and not every job (or every client) is worth your time or attention or love.

If you want to become the kind of person that any company would kill to have as an employee, you need to be the kind of employee that's really picky about who you align with.

-SETH GODIN.

THE COMFORT OF FRIENDSHIP.

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859.

EXPERTISE AND PASSION.

Should the person who runs the customer service operations at a ski school also be required to love skiing?

Can the CFO of a large church be an atheist?

Does the head of marketing at Kodak have to have a passion for chemicals?

It's true, "write what you know, write what you love." The commitment comes through. But does that mean that boring products shouldn't be marketed? Does it mean that the community theater must limit the list it considers for any job only to people who are 'in' the theater, who have paid their dues?

How many worthy causes have lousy operations teams? How many hobbies and sports are staffed by fans, not professionals?

I think if the work is important, it should be done with passion and skill and flair. But the work of balancing the books, or running Google adwords or making sure that customers are treated well at the ski school often has nothing to do with the product or service itself.

It's more important that you be passionate about what you do all day than it is to be passionate about the product that is being sold.

Give me someone with domain expertise and the passion to do great work any time. Belief in the mission matters (a lot!), but it doesn't replace skill.

Best of both worlds: someone who has passion (and skill and insight) about their task and passion about the mission. The latter can never replace the former. Organizations staffed with sports fans or true believers worry me, because they often use their passion as an excuse for poor performance. What worries me more are the employees who have neither expertise nor passion.

(All that said, I've never met a great marketer who wasn't passionate about what she sold. In the case of marketing, it's not just a nice combination, it's a requirement.)

-SETH GODIN.

QUITTERS.CAMPERS.CLIMBERS.

Quitters,Campers, and Climbers - the three categories of response to the daunting challenge of leading an ever-elevating life.
Quitters simply give up on the ascent - the pursuit of an enriching life- and as a result are often embittered.
Campers generally work hard, apply themselves, pay their dues and do what it takes to reach a certain level. Then they plant their tent stakes and settle for their current elevation.
Climbers are that rare breed who continue to learn, grow, strive and improve until their final breath; those who look back on life and say these precious words, "I gave it my all." It's no coincidence that Climbers are the people we most admire, are drawn to and seek to become.

One of the major discoveries of my research is that at the heart of the difference between Climbers vs. Campers and Quitters lies what they do with adversity.

Relentlessly pursuing a life or building an organization rich in purpose can be tough. The weather on the mountain is rough - and intensifying. That's why Quitters abandon the ascent and Campers hunker down.
Only Climbers take on the immensely gratifying challenge of learning, striving, improving and contributing until their final breath.

-PAUL G. STOLTZ, Ph.D.

Don't Quit!
Don't Camp!
Keep Climbing!


Deo Volente, I'll see you in '09.

THE CHRISTMAS TRUCE.

It was referred to as the war to end all wars. Yet, two decades after World War I the world found itself once again entrenched in a global battle. Why was the First World War referred to as the war to end all wars? It earned this name because it was believed that with all the modern weapons of war, no nation would dare attack another for the sure bloodshed that would follow. The destruction of the First World War was horrific with over 10 million giving their lives in the name of their country.

In the midst of this brutality, death and destruction, one of the most peculiar sights in human history evolved on a Christmas night in 1914. It was a sight rarer than watching a Texas baseball team in the World Series. On this incredible night almost a century ago soldiers on the western front did the unthinkable. Only days and perhaps hours before, these men had found themselves frozen to the bone in the cold rain and mud. The sound of mortars still rang in their ears. The sight of their brothers in arms falling to the ground from a volley of bullets was still fresh in their minds. Yet, something remarkable was about to take place on this Christmas Eve.

It was a truce in the fighting initiated by the low ranking men selected to do the fighting and dying. By all accounts this Christmas truce was not started by the British. It was, in fact, a result of the actions of the Germans. Yes, the country that it had become easy to vilify during this time period because of their horrific leaders and government policies was in fact a nation of people with hearts like you and I. These German soldiers lobbed a chocolate cake into the trenches of the British. Imagine that; you are used to seeing grenades land in your trench and instead the enemy has lobbed a chocolate cake with a request for an hour truce. The truce was for a birthday party for their captain. The truce was granted.

As a soldier in this war, it was comforting to know that your enemy was in the same miserable conditions that you were- the cold, the mud and the stench of death. Remarkably, it was in these conditions that a truce was born and soon Christmas carols burst out from the trenches of the Germans, once again, an olive branch. The British were at first reluctant and rightfully so, this was war and any trick is fair game in war. Although, it was recognized for what it was. Men with hearts, moms, dads, children, hobbies, girlfriends, wives and compassion overcome with that compassion on the anniversary of the greatest sacrifice in the history of mankind. It was Christmas and the anniversary of the birth of a man who laid down his life for others, and the Germans were overcome with this spirit.

That Christmas Eve soldiers who had been engaged in the war referred to as “the war to end all wars’ because of this brutality tossed their weapons of destruction aside and embraced, sang Christmas songs and even wandered the battle field playing soccer with each other and sharing cigarettes. It has been said that hundreds and as many as thousands participated in this most magical holiday truce.

There is something about this time of year that you can't pinpoint. It is something that you can't put your finger on. It is a spirit that is in the air. It is a spirit that begs you to forget differences, embrace those you love and even those you don't. It challenges you to give until you can't give anymore. Sometimes the cloud of challenges in life can spur a person to brush aside the undeniable feelings that are in the air at Christmas. Too often the pressures of life can convince you the spirit of joy and giving that you are sensing is nothing more than a coincidence of the time of year. In 1914, a handful of low ranking German soldiers knew that what they felt in their hearts about Christmas was true.

These men did not brush aside the impromptu feelings of peace and love for their fellow man. Instead, they lobbed a chocolate cake and a note of truce. I encourage you to allow yourself to be overcome this Christmas with the same spirit that took these soldiers captive almost a century ago. You may feel you are entrenched in some kind of your own personal battle. If so, allow yourself to be overwhelmed with the spirit of giving and joy and toss a chocolate cake out there. You just might be surprised at the outcome…

-- Ron White.

Today!!!

It's my birthday 2day!!!
Come join the e-party!!!

XMAS IS IN THE AIR!!

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.

~Charles Dickens.

Listen... Someone's life may depend on it.

There are many good and great reasons to learn to listen better. Perhaps this short story by an unknown author will touch something within you that motivates you to learn more...
We all know what it's like to get that phone call in the middle of the night. This night was no different.

Jerking up to the ringing summons, I focused on the red, illuminated numbers of my clock. Midnight. Panicky thoughts filled my sleep-dazed mind as I grabbed the receiver.

"Hello?" My heart pounded, I gripped the phone tighter and eyed my husband, who was now turning to face my side of the bed.

"Mama?" The voice answered. I could hardly hear the whisper over the static. But my thoughts immediately went to my daughter.

When the desperate sound of a young crying voice became clear on the line, I grabbed for my husband and squeezed his wrist.

"Mama, I know it's late. But don't... don't say anything until I finish. And before you ask, yes I've been drinking. I nearly ran off the road a few miles back and..."

I drew in a sharp, shallow breath, released my husband and pressed my hand against my forehead. Sleep still fogged my mind, and I attempted to fight back the panic. Something wasn't right.

"... And I got so scared. All I could think of was how it would hurt you if a policeman came to your door and said I'd been killed. I want... to come home. I know running away was wrong. I know you've been worried sick. I should have called you days ago but I was afraid... afraid...."

Sobs of deep-felt emotion flowed from the receiver and poured into my heart. Immediately I pictured my daughter's face in my mind, and my fogged senses seemed to clear, "I think..."

"No! Please let me finish! Please!" She pleaded, not so much in anger, but in desperation. I paused and tried to think what to say. Before I could go on, she continued. "I'm pregnant, Mama. I know I shouldn't be drinking now... especially now, but I'm scared, Mama. So scared!"

The voice broke again, and I bit into my lip, feeling my own eyes fill with moisture. I looked up at my husband, who sat silently mouthing, "Who is it?"

I shook my head and when I didn't answer, he jumped up and left the room, returning seconds later with a portable phone held to his ear. She must have heard the click in the line because she asked, "Are you still there? Please don't hang up on me! I need you. I feel so alone."

I clutched the phone and stared at my husband, seeking guidance. "I'm here, I wouldn't hang up," I said.

"I should have told you, Mama. I know I should have told you. But, when we talk, you just keep telling me what I should do. You read all those pamphlets on how to talk about sex and all, but all you do is talk. You don't listen to me. You never let me tell you how I feel. It is as if my feelings aren't important. Because you're my mother you think you have all the answers."

"But sometimes I don't need answers.
I just want someone to listen."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the how-to-talk-to-your-kids pamphlets scattered on my nightstand. "I'm listening," I whispered.

"You know, back there on the road after I got the car under control, I started thinking about the baby and taking care of it. Then I saw this phone booth and it was as if I could hear you preaching to me about how people shouldn't drink and drive. So I called a taxi. I want to come home."

"That's good honey," I said, relief filling my chest. My husband came closer, sat down beside me and laced his fingers through mine.

"But you know, I think I can drive now."

"No!" I snapped. My muscles stiffened and I tightened the clasp on my husband's hand. "Please, wait for the taxi. Don't hang up on me until the taxi gets there."

"I just want to come home, Mama."

"I know. But do this for your mama. Wait for the taxi, please."

I listened to the silence in fear. When I didn't hear her answer, I bit into my lip and closed my eyes. Somehow I had to stop her from driving. "There's the taxi now." Only when I heard someone in the background asking about a Yellow Cab did I feel my tension easing.

"I'm coming home, Mama." There was a click, and the phone went silent. Moving from the bed, tears forming in my eyes, I walked out into the hall and went to stand in my 16 year old daughter's room. My husband came from behind, wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "We have to learn to listen," I said to him.

He studied me for a second, and then asked, "Do you think she'll ever know she dialed the wrong number?"

I looked at our sleeping daughter, then back at him. "Maybe it wasn't such a wrong number."

"Mom, Dad, what are you doing?" The muffled voice came from under the covers. I walked over to my daughter, who now sat up staring into the darkness. "We're practicing," I answered. "Practicing what?" she mumbled and laid back on the mattress, but her eyes already closed in slumber.

"Listening," I whispered and brushed a hand over her cheek....

Do things diffrerently...

To achieve a break-through in your ability to speak and listen more effectively, more powerfully with greater personal and professional ease, satisfaction and results... DO NOT try harder. Please, read this:

I'm sitting is a quiet room at the Millcroft Inn, a peaceful little place hidden back among the pine trees about an hour out of Toronto. It's just past noon, late July, and I'm listening to the desperate sounds of a life-or-death struggle going on just a few feet away.

There's a small fly burning out the last of its short life's energies in a futile atempt to fly through the glass of the windowpane. The winning wings tell the poignant story of the fly's strategy: try harder.

But it's not working.

The frenzied effort offers no hope for survival. Ironically, the struggle is part of the trap. It is impossible for the fly to try hard enough to succeed at breaking through the glass. Nevertheless, this little insect has staked its life on reaching its goal through raw effort and determination.

This fly is doomed. It will die there on the windowsill.

Across the room, ten steps away, the door is open. Ten seconds of flying time and this small creature could reach the outside world it seeks. With only a fraction of the effort now being wasted, it could be free of this self-imposed trap. The breakthrough possibility is there. It would be so easy.

Why doesn't the fly try another approach, something dramatically different? How did it get so locked in on the idea that this particular route and determined effort, offer the most promise for success? What logic is there in continuing until death, to seek a breakthrough with 'more of the same?'

No doubt this approach makes sense to the fly. Regrettably, it's an idea that will kill.

'Trying harder' isn't necessarily the solution to achieving more. It may not offer any real promise for getting what you want out of life. Sometimes, in fact, it's a big part of the problem.

If you stake your hopes for a breakthrough on trying harder than ever, you may kill your chances for success.

-Price Pritchett, Ph.D.

DANGEROUS DREAMERS..

This nation was built by men who took risks - pioneers who were not afraid of the wilderness, business men who were not afraid of failure, scientists who were not afraid of the truth, thinkers who were not afraid of progress, dreamers who were not afraid of action.

~Brooks Atkinson.